Got Imposter Syndrome?

I remember it like it was yesterday, climbing on board that red double-decker. New heels blistering my young Canadian feet. A large tote across shoulder, carrying the files I was assigned that morning in my new gig as child protection social worker. In nervous hands, a good ol’ fashioned mouse pad emblazoned with a diagram of a “core assessment.” My new line manager tossed it to me on my way out of the office as I left for my first home visit. “Do this,” she instructed in response to my questions; I wanted to ensure I was about to do a thorough job assessing my newly assigned clients. At 24, I had just moved to the UK. Cockney accents, the smell of petrol; I was taking in the sights and sounds of a city of twelve million. Equally vying for attention: My inner critic, anxiety, doubt, overwhelm, and their long distant cousin, perfectionism. Surely, they hired the wrong girl. Imposter syndrome didn’t have a passport, but somehow slipped into my luggage and joined me on my adventure overseas. Whose idea was this?

Many clients in their work with me, sheepishly admit that they too have this uninvited guest, the Imposter, knocking at their door. Imposter syndrome is a psychological term describing the feeling of deep inadequacy, insecurity and self-doubt despite having the skills, experience, education and competence to carry out a task or role. “Individuals experiencing imposter syndrome often attribute their success to luck or external factors…this internalized sense of fraudulence can lead to anxiety, fear or exposure, and a cycle of overworking to prove oneself,” writes Dr Marwa Azab (@drmarwaazab). The good news is that we can work with the Imposter to stop this cycle. Here’s a snippet of how I begin to do that:

I first invite clients to be aware that when we ignore the guest, it gets noisier and louder; like a toddler vying for our attention desperately wanting a hug and a Cheeto. I encourage my clients to put a chair out for it. I meet it and greet it with curiosity and compassion-wrap it in a warm blanket. I invite it to put its feet up and give it a proverbial cup of tea.

If we don’t meet it this way, the Imposter can be quick to hop in the driver’s seat and take us down some wild and bumpy roads. We can know when it is around and driving the car of our lives as it moves us faster and often has a frantic energy (insert overworking here). We keep researching, googling, taking that next course, and hustling for worthiness. It can really take us out of our body and instead leave us swimming in thought. We try to prove our space in that job, in that relationship, or on that committee. The Imposter can also often get tangled up in shame. Not just feeling like we have made a mistake, but that we ARE a mistake. We know when the tangling has happened, as it may have a dissociative/disconnected feel to it. If you notice you want to curl up in your duvet and hide from your work week and your people, this may be an indicator that the Imposter is two-stepping with shame.

After we invite it in and soften to it, I encourage folks to get curious about its birthplace in their lives. While I would argue that most of us experience the Imposter, there are some that struggle with it more pervasively and frequently. Those with an overzealous Imposter part may have had a hyper-critical parent who placed unreasonable demands on them while growing up. Some may have grown up in an environment where their emotional needs were not adequately met, or where achievement was their gold ticket for affection. People with a highly sensitive temperament style may be more prone to an overactive Imposter. If these are relevant for you, your “visitor” may benefit from Inner Child work in a safe therapeutic relationship. Additionally, it may need some cognitive restructuring to reframe false beliefs and unhelpful thought patterns wired in your neural network.

The nervous system expands and contracts naturally, and when Imposter Syndrome comes to visit many of us get “stuck” in a threat response-running for our lives in a vein attempt to solve the human condition-like a chasing of the wind. Cognitive strategies, while helpful, sometimes have their limitations in getting to the heart of the matter and so we drop down into the body. This is when Somatic Experiencing can be an additional helpful therapeutic tool.

What does dropping down into the body look like?

Pay attention when this guest knocks on your door. How do you “know” when it has arrived? There may be a constriction in your chest. A sinking feeling in your belly. Your thoughts may start speeding up. Your heart rate may become more rapid.

Can you too notice when it is Not around? Think of a moment or memory when you experienced a felt sense of competence, confidence, and worthiness. Notice the sensations in your body now. You might feel a slowness of breath. Your shoulders might pull back and you may have a sense of feeling taller. Your thoughts might slow down. You notice a smile or an energy or the mere absence of anxiety.

In Somatic Experiencing, we work with titrating between these two poles in the body-working with a counter vortex (a place of resourcing and stability) as we touch into the stored places where the Imposter hijacks us (where we experience a constriction or activation e.g. overthinking or overworking). We pendulate back and forth until the nervous system learns new patterns of safety and wellbeing without the Imposter and its patterns at the helm. Working with a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner can assist us in this journey of slowing down. We become less at its mercy. We begin to feel more embodied, grounded, and comforted. We begin to experience more presence, capacity and connection to ourselves, without the striving and hustling taking us away.

It is a paradox-the mind pulls to prove self-to know more. But in that striving we disconnect from Self and the body; the place where true healing-our birthright-and our innate capacity lives.

Summary/Tools to practice:

1. Normalize-Imposter Syndrome is not a fixed thing. It’s not a diagnosis or actual “syndrome”-it’s a part of the human condition that comes and goes throughout our lives regardless of experience and education. Truly, the more you know, the more you don’t know. Expect it will arrive. It’s a visitor that comes and goes regardless of educational attainment, accolades, or experience.
2. Meet it with compassion and warmth. Treat it as a younger part of you. Lean into it. Befriend it.
3. Respond to unhelpful thought patterns-Cognitive reframes or mantras may be a useful tool for you. Affirmations such as “I don’t have to figure it out all at once,” “I’m always learning, always growing”, “Mistakes are part of being a human”, “Imposters don’t get Imposter Syndrome-it’s because I really care about doing well”.
4. Notice how it shows up-drop down into your body-What tells you it is around? Does your heart rate increase? Is your jaw clenched? Are your thoughts racing? Is anxiety present?
5. Notice when it ISN’T around-What happens when it is not there? Does your mind slow down. Is your breathing deeper and slower?
6. What expectations are you placing on yourself?Are they realistic demands and achievements? Are you outsourcing your worthiness looking for external validation when it needs to come from within? Would you expect this of a best friend or loved one?
7. Set small achievable goals you can feel good about-Choose 1 or 2 small goals for yourself for the day.Write them down at the beginning of the day and check them off at the end. Prepare, but with limits (set a timer, balance prep time with self care). Be mindful of progress but not perfection.
8. Celebrate them-Develop a practice of rewarding yourself when you achieve your goals.This will help you develop a gentler, kinder relationship with yourself.